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Couples that sleep apart stay together? Sleep divorce, the new social media trend, explained

A sleep divorce is when a couple or partners sleep in separate beds, different rooms or even different homes to enhance the quality of sleep for both partners. Experts say it is important that the couple make the choice to do so together and that both places be equally comfortable

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FP Explainers|Apr 27, 2023, 21:16:20 IST

Experts can’t stress the importance of sleep enough.

And yet, many of us, especially those with partners, continue to struggle to get a good night’s rest.

Now, some have come up with a novel solution – a sleep divorce.

Fret not — this doesn't mean that you actually divorce your partner.

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Let’s take a closer look:

What is it?

Simply put, a sleep divorce is when a couple or partners sleep in separate beds, different rooms or even entirely different homes.

Shelby Harris, Psy.D., D.B.S.M., director of sleep health at Sleepopolis, told Shape.com partners resort to this because of "differences in sleep patterns, habits, and preferences, or disruptive snoring from one or both partners."

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It can be done on a temporary basis or even permanently.

Dr Rebecca Robbins, scientist and instructor in medicine at Harvard Medical School, said this can be done when to avoid partners’ sleep cycles clashing.

"For instance, in some relationships, one partner might be an owl while the other a lark, causing severe difficulties in aligning on the same bed and wake schedule," Robbins says.

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"Another instance is in the case of one partner having a sleep disorder, such as sleep apnea or REM sleep behavior disorder, which can be disruptive to a partner."

Michael Breus, a Los Angeles-area clinical psychologist who is also known as “The Sleep Doctor,” told the website Today some couples sleep ‘together’ only on weekends.

"This is a great idea especially when we have couples where one person is snoring which keeps the other awake, or if one person is a shift worker, who has different hours, or people who have different chronotypes, where their genetically predetermined bedtime is different," Breus says.

However, some, Danielle Kelvas, MD, chief medical advisor at Sleepline, advise against it.

"Constantly changing where you sleep does not contribute to healthy sleep cycles or regular circadian rhythms."

"I advise patients to have separate rooms and beds, but be intentional about having regular moments of affection and cuddling" outside of the bedroom.

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Harris added that it is important that both partners make the choice together.

"You have to make the choice consciously together. It can't be a reactive thing like 'You snore so much, so I'm just going to sleep somewhere else,' or kicking one person out of the bedroom,” Harris told CNBC.

Both places also need to be equally comfortable.

"So, it's not like one person is relegated to the couch ideally. You want to make it so they have a comfortable place,” Harris added.

What are its benefits?

Better sleep for one.

"Quality sleep can improve your memory, strengthen your immune system, decrease your risk of serious health problems [such as hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression, heart attack, and stroke], and increase your overall quality of life," Harris told Shape.com.

Kelvas added that it only make sense to prioritise high-quality sleep.

As most sleep therapists point out, most of us spend a third of our lives asleep, she added.

"There are benefits for some partners to sleep separately," Dr Erin Flynn-Evans, a consultant to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, told CBS. "Studies demonstrate that when one bed partner has a sleep disorder it can negatively affect the other sleeper. For example, bed partners tend to wake up at the same time when one has insomnia. Similarly, when bed partners differ in chronotype, like when one is a night owl the other is an early bird, these differing sleep preferences can negatively impact both partners' sleep."

Breus also points out that some people naturally are against the idea based on the name itself.

If so, one can avoid bringing up the term ‘sleep divorce’.

"I really don't like this term. It implies that when people are sleeping in separate bedrooms that it is somehow affecting or saying something about their relationship," Breus told House Beautiful.

With inputs from agencies

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First Published:Apr 27, 2023, 21:16:20 IST
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