Game of Thrones season 8: Letters to Jon Snow, from his willfully ignored direwolf Ghost

Location: Somewhere in the extreme North of the Seven Kingdoms. A lone direwolf (some call him Ghost) sends missives to his neglectful master, Jon Snow. To be read to the tune and rhythm of Eminem's 'Stan', from whose lyrics these letters *may* have been adapted.*Dear Jon, I wrote you but still ain't come callin'I left my paw print and a snout mark at the bottomI sent two ravens back in autumn, you must not-a got 'emThere probably was a problem at the rookery or somethin'Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I claw 'emBut anyways, f*ck it, what's been up? Man, how's your dragon?I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fanI even understand the underground shit that you pulled with SamI got a room full of your posters and your pictures manI like the shit you did with Tormund too, that shit was phatAnyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,Just to chat, truly yours,Your biggest fan.*Dear Jon, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chanceI ain't mad, I just think it's f*cked up you don't answer fansIf you didn't wanna talk to me outside your castleYou didn't have to, but you coulda taken me along on one of your battlesI waited in the blistering cold for youFor four hours and you just said, "No."That's pretty shitty man, you're like my f*ckin' idolI ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein' lied toRemember when we met near Winterfell, you said you'd keep me forever?[caption id="attachment_6481891" align="alignnone" width="825"] That picture of us together[/caption]See I'm just like you in a wayI never knew my mother neitherShe was killed by a stag, its antlers beat herI can relate to what you're doing in your warsSo when I have a shitty day, I drift away and think about 'em all'Cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressedI even got a tattoo of your name across my furry chestSee everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell itThe other direwolves would get jealous 'cause I talked about you 24/7Daenerys don't know you like I know you Jon, no one doesShe don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up,You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever loseSincerely yours, Ghost.P.S. we should be together soon.*Dear Mister "I'm Too Good To Call Or Write My Fans"This will be the last raven I ever send your assIt's been a season-and-a-half and still no word, I don't deserve it?I know you got my last two letters, I clawed the addresses on 'em perfectSo this is my message I'm sending you, I hope you hear itI'm in the lands north of Winterfell now,You know the story by Old Nan, "In the Air of the Long Night"About that guy who could a saved that other guy from drowningBut didn't, and at the Trident found him?That's kinda how this is, you could a rescued me from drowningNow it's too late, I'm a thousand leagues away, I'm drowsyAnd all I wanted was a lousy letter or a callI hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wallI love you Jon, we coulda been together, think about itYou ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about itAnd when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you scream about itI hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without meAnd when the Night King comes, you can't fight without meWell, gotta go, I'm almost at the Wall nowOh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out?While you're here, check out our Game of Thrones season 8 coverage. From opinions to analysis, reviews and recaps, news and photos — we've got it all. Oh, and also our podcast — GoTCast