World Population Day 2026: Why my spouse and I chose to be DINKs, and don't regret it

"So... when are you planning to have kids?"

It has been over six years since I got married. I'm an Indian woman in my mid-30s, and if you're from South Asia, or even East Asia, you probably already know the question that follows almost every introduction.

The funniest part? It isn't just Indian relatives. During one of my holidays, I met an Israeli couple in their mid-50s. Moments after learning that I had been married for years, they smiled and asked exactly the same thing.

Apparently, this is a universal question. And I get it why I am being asked this, I really do!

Marriage has long been seen as the natural precursor to parenthood. In the age where live-in isn't as frowned upon as it once used to be, why would you want to get married if you are not planning to have kids? We see people around us take the leap when they want to 'settle' and 'have a family'. That's quite given, right?

More from Lifestyle

In fact, I find myself asking the same question to my spouse too. But here's the thing- however we see it, we just can't visualise having a kid around us, especially at this juncture of our lives.

The financial maths simply doesn't add up

Let's begin with the most obvious reason. Have you seen the cost of raising a child today?

If you live in a metro city, you need a very comfortable income just to provide what most parents would consider a decent childhood. Housing, healthcare, extracurricular activities, education, the list is endless.

And then comes school.

I'm not even going to begin calculating what a "good school" might cost over the next fifteen years. Friends around us who recently became parents often speak about sleepless nights, daycare waiting lists, school admissions and rising expenses. Their stories aren't discouraging us intentionally, but they certainly haven't made parenthood look easier.

To make matters worse, the job market isn't as "steady" as it once used to be.

I know you would argue that it is not like middle-class families are not having babies. Of course, they do. So many of my friends, classmates and colleagues have welcomed parenthood. But, at what cost?

Children need far more than money

Let's say we go easy on money, be modest! Say we shift to a Tier-2 city (and sacrifice the lifestyle we have had for nearly a decade and a half now) and opt for economical choices, one thing would always remain non-negotiable- the attention we have to give to the kid. Time.

You have to be around the child, pay attention to them almost 90 percent of your time till maybe they hit their teenage and don't want to hang out with you so much.

Children deserve parents who are emotionally available, present and involved. That, to me, feels non-negotiable.

It really does take a village

There's a reason people say it takes a village to raise a child. I've noticed that many of my friends who have children have one thing in common- family nearby.

Grandparents help with school pickups, illnesses, holidays and everyday parenting. I know because I grew up that way. Both my parents worked, and I spent most of my childhood with my maternal grandmother. Some of my happiest memories are with her.

But our situation is different. Our parents don't live nearby. And even if we hired help, neither of us is comfortable leaving the responsibility of raising a child entirely to someone else.

It's not about trust, it's just that we're very particular people. We struggle to trust someone else with our food despite carefully explaining how we'd like it cooked. After all, what's our whole world is, understandably, just another job to them. Handing over the responsibility of raising a child feels like an even bigger leap.

We're still building the lives we dream about

I've been working for a decade. On paper, that sounds like enough time to have "settled." In reality, I feel like I'm only getting started.

Both of us are still at a juncture where we see huge potential lying in front of us. In fact, we have even opted to stay in different cities due to our job arrangements. Having a kid in this equation would mean sacrifice for at least one, if not both. Are we comfortable thinking about it- nah! And that's okay.

Travel isn't a hobby, but it's how I live

Another thing about me is that I genuinely love travelling. There are hardly any months when I'm in just one city (yeah, I do manage leaves, but how I do that is for another day).

I love discovering new cultures, trying regional food, speaking to strangers and understanding how different people live. I call myself a plant mom, and even keeping my plants alive while travelling requires planning.

Raising a child is a commitment that deserves far more consistency than my current lifestyle allows.

There's also the world we're bringing them into

Then there's the question we millennials are beginning to discuss with more honesty- what kind of world would our child inherit?

There's air pollution, climate change, degrading water quality and food safety. In fact, despite the inflation and rising prices of basics, one can hardly guarantee that the food that reaches our plate won't kill us. Also, gentle reminder, we are from the most populated country in the world and it hardly seems fair that we put more pressure on the already crumbling ecosystem that we have inherited.

Will we ever change our minds? Maybe.

So, if someday all the boxes are ticked- we're financially secure even in an uncertain job market, have the support system a child deserves, are ready to reshape our lives around them, and still feel the pull towards parenthood, we will be up for it. But, we would rather raise the quality of life of someone who is already in this world and looking for a family than add to the pressures the world already faces.

Until then, we will keep being DINKs (Double Income, No Kids) and enjoy our DINK-hood.

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this piece are solely those of the author