Can menopause change a marriage? Experts explain what is 'meno-divorce'

"I am done, can’t take it anymore”.

These are the lines most relationship therapists say they hear most often from women between the ages of 45 and 55.

For decades, women of this age have endured hot flashes, sleepless nights, and mood swings, dismissing them as an inevitable part of ageing. Today, however, another conversation is emerging alongside menopause, one about relationships.

It is about 'meno-divorce', a term used for divorce rates that frequently peak during perimenopause and menopause. The term has entered popular discourse in the West, fuelling surveys since many believe that the declining estrogen and progesterone levels reduce a woman's emotional tolerance and hence the breakdown of her marriage.

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In India, where the divorce rate is among the lowest, at 1% according to the latest estimates, there is little research on the phenomenon. However, relationship experts say these numbers are increasing in their clinical practice-women in their late forties and early fifties are reassessing not just their health but also their marriages, identities, and futures.

Is it really hormones?

Are hormones really driving these decisions, or is it simply bringing long-standing issues into sharper focus?

“There is a role of hormones, but it is not only hormones,” says relationship counsellor Dr Astha Dewan, psychotherapist and relationships counsellor. “Hormonal changes affect mood, patience, anxiety, and sexual desire. They may reduce resilience, but they don’t create marital problems out of nowhere.”

Perimenopause—the years leading up to menopause, with fluctuating levels of estrogen and progesterone. Women may experience hot flashes, sleep disturbances, mood changes, anxiety, vaginal dryness, and reduced libido.

But the biological transition is only one piece of the puzzle.

“There is no direct cause-and-effect relationship between menopause and divorce,” Dr Geeta Chadha, senior gynaecologist working at Indraprastha Apollo Delhi, says.

“Menopause is a physiological process where a woman moves from her reproductive years into another phase of life. It can be turbulent because hormone levels are changing, but ultimately it is a storm before the calm,” she says.

“A decline in libido and discomfort during sexual intercourse can occur during menopause because of hormonal changes and reduced elasticity of vaginal tissues,” Dr Chadha explains. “Changes in the genital and urinary tract can also lead to recurrent urinary infections.”

When life slows down

If hormones don’t tell the whole story, what does?

Dr Deewan believes menopause often coincides with another profound transition—the moment many women finally have time to think about themselves.

“By the time many women reach perimenopause, their children are independent,” she says. “They finally have time to reflect, and they begin asking difficult questions: Is this how I want to spend the rest of my life? What happened to my own individuality?”

“Many women spent decades prioritising family over themselves. During menopause, they often reach a point where they feel, ‘I’ve done enough,’ she adds.

She describes today’s women in their late forties and early fifties as a transitional generation.

“They worked full-time but were still expected to shoulder most household responsibilities. That cumulative exhaustion also contributes to what we are seeing.”

Hormones don’t create problems—they may expose them.

It’s not biology, it's a choice

She believes the biggest difference between today’s women and those of earlier generations is not biology but choice.

“Twenty years ago, many women may have experienced similar feelings, but divorce was far more taboo,” she says. “Today, women are financially independent, have stronger support systems, and know they can live independently if they choose.”

Dr Chadha agrees.

“Hormone deprivation happened in our grandmothers’ generation as well, yet they carried on with life,” she says. “We must be careful before attributing social changes solely to menopause.”

When old wounds resurface

In her counselling practice, Dr Deewan has observed another striking pattern.

Many women are not simply reacting to present circumstances; they are revisiting unresolved experiences from decades earlier.

“In my practice, I often see women between 45 and 50 who describe unexplained sadness, anxiety, sleeplessness, and emotional overwhelm,” she says. “Frequently, these feelings are linked to unresolved grief, guilt, or emotional wounds from decades earlier,” says Dr Deewan. “During menopause, those emotions can resurface even without any new trigger, like a woman who had insomnia and persistent anxiety; she was reliving grief or a terminated pregnancy that happened decades back, and emotional distance with her husband made it worse.”

She believes this reflects another generational reality.

“The generation entering menopause today rarely sought mental health support when they were younger. They learned to suppress emotional difficulties rather than process them. With menopause, those unresolved issues can resurface .”

Beyond hormones

Both experts emphasise that the answer is not simply hormone therapy, and it cannot be a remedy for every menopausal symptom or every life problem.

“If you simply say that hormones are responsible for divorces, the whole world will start prescribing hormones left, right and centre,” says Dr Chadha. “That would be a disservice to women.”

Instead, treatment should be individualised, combining medical care with exercise, good nutrition, counselling, and above all, support at home.

“Families, especially husbands, need to understand that menopause is a period when women require greater empathy, patience, and emotional support,” says Dr Deewan.

Dr Chadha agrees. “If a relationship has been strong and supportive over the years,” she says, “couples usually navigate menopause as just another phase of life.”