The Beginner’s Guide To Finding (and becoming) A Great, Gay Man

We’ve already established the world is littered with boys that you should never date.It’s full of deplorable narcissists; self-obsessed gym freaks, dubious know-it-alls and the select few who never call back (and never give a reason for it). But hidden between the bad tastes and the bad manners are a few good men, the same ones who shine bright and right. They are the diamonds in the rough. The needles in the haystack. The gemstones on the beach. The evens in the odds.When you do find one of these boys, pull up your socks and take them (and make some space for their toothbrush in your shower cabinet if you can) before someone else does.Because they will. Here are twenty such boys that you need to go buy a wedding band for already:1. Knows that if there’s no condom, there’s no sexEven if you insist that it’s better when there’s nothing between you, which you shouldn’t. Always cover those troopers, kids.2. Insists on splitting the cheque instead of letting you payThe men who don’t feel like they are entitled to free drinks and a meal, just because you asked them out on a date are the best kind of men in the world. Now split your life with him, as you split that cheque.3. Tells you his Netflix passwordWithout expecting you to chill.4. Might be passive in a fight, but not passive aggressiveLeave the passive aggression for the parents, not the pretty boy sitting across you at the dinner table.5. Doesn’t get scared of double messagingThe world would have a lot more romances if men weren’t afraid of messaging twice in a row.6. Is honest about the way he feelsBut not in the way that it’d make you cry - so you can continue eating your double scoop of chocolate chip ice cream, without worrying about the fact that he’ll tell you it’s going to make you fat.7. Thinks that the only glass that is half empty is your glass of gin and tonic, and orders you a repeatOn the other hand, he’s a glass full of amazing.8. Every once in a while, he also finishes your sentences …but will not finish your food (unless you really want him to.)9. But at the same time, also shares his French fries with youWhy order for the table when you can order salad for yourself and guiltlessly share his fries?10. Doesn’t think twice before telling you how he feels about youAnd you shouldn’t think twice about dating him either.11. Believes that the only games people should play are board gamesHe’s got his Cards against Humanity right.12. Can hold his alcohol just like he holds your hands at the moviesJust like a whiskey baron on his ninth measure, nothing less.13. Knows all your close friends on a first name basisBut knows that they will always be your friends first.14. Messages you right after a date to tell you he had a fantastic timeBecause if someone waits for three days to tell you they had a great time, they’d wait even longer to tell you that you are the one.15. Holds the door openAnd his mind too.16. Respects your virtual relationship with Ranveer Singh (or any other celebrity)Even though Ranveer Singh has no clue that he’s in one.17. Knows that being protective and jealous are two different thingsBut doesn’t tell you their dictionary meanings every day at breakfast.18. Can make a baby giggleThe only thing more attractive than men who can make a baby giggle is a baby who can make a man giggle.19. Knows how you like your coffeeA tall Java Chip Frappuccino, with whipped cream and a hint of cinnamon and brown sugar. Can I have some extra cream please?20. Calls you out for being an a**hole when you are being oneAs he rightfully should, you d**chebag.Illustration courtesy Amrai Dua