The morning after: Precious lessons, nasty surprises

Hopefully, by the time you read this, your ‘outrage’ meter, and that of ‘your channel’ would’ve toned down, and both of you could use some rehabilitation efforts after the ‘disaster’ that the 2000th test was purported to be. Our back-end team is already working on records you can look forward to in the 2001st game at Nottingham, the biggest of course being Sachin’s 100th century, which seems like a careful ploy to keep the English stands full till the last Test.[caption id="attachment_48545" align="alignleft" width="380" caption="The sheer sight of our wicket-keeping, World Cup winning captain becoming the third seamer was so comforting. Philip Brown/Reuters"][/caption]Overseas tours are Happy Realisation Ceremonies for most squads and this is going to be no different for Dhoni’s men. Going by the Lord’s opener, there seems to be many pleasant and otherwise discoveries in store; although some of them would feel like those “Cops still have ancient .303 rifles” or “Home ministry was warned of attack” stories after every terrorist strike in Indian cities.Beginning with the positives, we never knew our bowling had the depth of Deepika Padukone’s acting skills, did we? The sheer sight of our wicket-keeping, World Cup winning captain becoming the third seamer was so comforting; even if it made the last World Cup winning captain Kapil wince in disgust. Now, we can stay assured that even if our strike bowler Zaheer has to be put out like an undercooked leg piece in a tikka masala, the rest of the cooks are capable of not spoiling the broth.We also realised that the DRS issue could’ve been the brainchild of the commentary box after all, with Naseer, Ganguly & Co going on endlessly about it, further prodded by hot-spots, hawk-eyes and umpire Billy’s benevolence. But given how the visitors benefited by the absence of referrals against LBWs, chances are that the system might be abolished after all. LBWs that is. The poor ICC CEO Haroon Lorgat must realise this and focus on cricket.Among some bitter realisations, Yuvraj Singh had to swallow a pill or two at the Lord’s balcony on the afternoon of Day 5. It so happened that while watching Stuart Broad pick up one wicket after another, the dashing batsman – currently 12th man – couldn’t help boasting to VVS Laxman of the six sixes he’d struck ‘this kid’ for and how he could’ve made a triple ton on this track where even Ajit Agarkar has a century to his name. It was when Suresh Raina got out after an impressive 78 off 207 balls that VVS removed his headphones and asked Yuvi if he could keep a Red Bull ready for the tired Raina.Back at home, genuine Test lovers such as this writer and a handful of others had to put up with an influx of new ‘Test cricket fans’ that this Lord’s advertisement had brought in. The same guys who were gleefully watching reality singing shows when the tests at the West Indies were under way last month, now claim to have "always loved the slower version of the game" and are joining in the chorus that the BCCI should really restrain its IPL-loving attitude if the traditional version of the game has to flourish for 2000 more Tests.It is another matter that these very people showed signs such as zoning out after three hours of cricket-watching, switching channels in-between Tremlett-to-Dravid duels and checking SMSes in dot-ball-heavy overs. This writer only wonders what shall become of them if the proposed ‘Timeless Test’ becomes a reality. A silver lining here is, this hypocrite bunch did not feature many female viewers -- who have joined the ODI and T20 bandwagon in hordes -- possibly because most still don’t get concepts such as ‘following on’, white uniforms and two innings in a match.That said, there are still three more tests -- and dozens more realisation ceremonies -- left before England can claim the Number 1 test spot. In that eventuality, the organisers should anyway present Dhoni and Co with a trophy shaped like Zaheer’s hamstring, and call it the ‘Learning Curve’.