ICC's new rules a game changer, but conditions apply

“Banna chahte ho duniya ki sabse badi company?”— ICC President Sharad Pawar to attendees of the Council’s annual conferenceOkay, apologies for manufacturing the above quote, but I seriously cannot help drawing parallels between the ongoing conference of the International Cricket Council (ICC) and the annual general meeting scene in Guru, a film based on industrialist Dhirubhai Ambani. The sheer dedication towards making one’s own set of laws to achieve maximum profit in the game made Ambani the polyester king and is taking Pawar and cricket to new highs.[caption id="attachment_32860" align="alignleft" width="380" caption="One shocker from this ICC rule-fest has been the ‘abolition of the runner’ altogether. Karim Sahib/AFP"][/caption]Going by the latest news from the conference — being held in Hong Kong for inexplicable reasons, but then one can’t expect much from the cricket body headquartered in Dubai — it seems like there are mixed fortunes ahead for the gentlemen who get on to the 22 yards.First up, UDRS, or the Umpire Decision Review System — basically, a tech-upgraded version of asking your that uncle-in-the-balcony if Montu was run out or in — has been made mandatory, albeit with a ‘conditions apply’ asterisk by the BCCI blaming its hand-to-mouth financial status. For now, ‘hot-spot’, the X-ray-like replay will ensure the Ricky Pontings of the game would make the long walk back quickly after being trapped LBW.Apparently, BCCI hesitantly agreed to this law after some board chiefs threatened it to re-stage the Indo-Pak semifinal of the World Cup when Sachin Tendulkar was saved by the UDRS system and India went on to win. However, this wasn’t before BCCI warned that in case any top Indian batsman – God forbid, Sachin Tendulkar again – becomes a victim of the system, the world must brace for a severe backlash, channelised by Indian media honcho Arnab Goswami.Among more laws in the pipeline, some are bound to make many a Sreesanth-esque bowlers think, “There is a God!” To balance the justice scales currently tilted obscenely towards batsmen’s side, ideas such as ‘two legal bouncers per over’ and ‘new balls from both ends’ in ODIs have been suggested. However, having been a bowler for the longest part of my gully, school, college and corporate cricket careers, I know these are still peanuts for us. A true bowler ideally needs a few liberties and bowling more beamers rather than restrictions such as over-stepping penalties and wafer-thin margins for wide balls. What is the use of this ‘one extra bouncer’ to Indian pacers anyway, who (minus Zaheer Khan) struggle to bowl bouncers even with tennis balls?One shocker from this ICC rule-fest has been the ‘abolition of the runner’ altogether. Shocker because runners have been around ever since the Lagaan era (remember Teepu?) and most other sports allow substitute players to take field. Reportedly proposed thanks to past controversies of batsmen not being allowed runners by bowling captains suspecting them of faking cramps, this law has outraged me as it will take away a glorious facet of the game – acting. I mean, with high-profile football games witnessing some Oscar-worthy acting in players’ fouls, cricket deserves some leeway too. If this is implemented, I demand that Saeed Anwar’s famous knock of 194 be retrospectively docked by about 122 runs which were made using a runner.Meanwhile, former captains Inzamam-ul-Haq and Arjuna Ranatunga, who’ve made roughly 82 percent of their career runs using runners, gave reactions to the media over this new rule: “HAHAHAHAHAHA! Suckers!” they said, before high-fiving each other.On the flip side, some proposals were no-balled after careful consideration while some others because they had conference members rolling on the floor laughing. The Pakistan Board’s tame try at legalising ball-tampering met with expected dissent and they were told clearly that the country first produce real bowlers, those who can sustain their careers for 50-plus matches without fixing or doping. There were debates over sledging regulations too, such as "whether the abusing players be grilled in public interviews over the meaning of cuss words" they use, but no laws were relaxed, for fears of Australian players expanding their already diverse dictionary of expletives.The proposal of awarding a ‘dummy trophy’ to console South Africa each time they choke in a tournament’s semifinals was found to be in bad taste. The panel has instead agreed on allotting the Proteas (and their WAGs) the best seats in the stadium staging any final, to allow them to a feel of forbidden fruit. Thoughts of jazzing up the ‘middle overs’ of an ODI by the ‘one pitch-one hand’ catch rule or by cheerleaders carrying in drinks were overruled and changes were rather made to the powerplay structure.The crunch decision of the Hong Kong meet, however, and one which the world awaits, is whether India will further flex its power grip over world cricket and introduce ‘lifetime’ terms for ICC presidents — thereby abolishing the current ‘rotation’ policy, also practised by other sporting bodies.However, my sources in the Board have predicted that India will respect the spirit of the game and carry on with this fixed-tenure, rotation-based terms for ICC presidents, provided they all come from the Pawar or the NCP family.